


Of Gods and their Champions

by alphabetray



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mildly Shippy, Spoilers to episode 58, canon adjacent, not betad or edited so beware of grammar + spelling, should be fine but i slipped up w the tenses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 09:10:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16870153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphabetray/pseuds/alphabetray
Summary: Shaun Gilmore has only been in Whitestone for a week or so when Vax makes a sudden reappearance in his life, Vax nearly gets them killed because a rakshasa wants him dead now apparently and then Vax breaks his heart again. Overall, not the best night of his life.Gilmore's perspective on episode 58 with a bit of non canon Vaxil'more pain shoved in there for the sake of being over dramatic. I haven't written anything in a good while so this might not be the best.





	Of Gods and their Champions

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WhatsSheCalled](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatsSheCalled/gifts).



Vex’ahlia had actually been the first to mention anything to him. She’d cornered him after the meal, that first day they’d arrived back at Whitestone. He’d been heading back to the town when she’d caught him and pulled him into a side room.

  
“Have you talked to Vax yet?” she’d asked, without a trace of the smooth talker who he’d had so much fun haggling with in their oh so much simpler past.

  
“Beyond what you saw at dinner? No, should I have?” He hadn’t noticed much unusual behaviour from Vax’ildan, but he’d been making a point not to be caught looking.

  
She’d sighed. “Whatever happened with you two, I don’t know the details. I don’t want to know the details. But he used to talk to you, Gilmore and he obviously isn’t and something’s going on with him but he won’t let me anywhere near it. Literally.”

  
It turned out that sleeping on it wasn’t the best idea. First came an assassination attempt, from some fool who really had no idea just who he was up against. Killing him was vindictive and perhaps not the wisest idea but really, he’d had a bad week. Then came Keyleth, sweet Keyleth, with the news that Vax was hurt and Shaun had long since been unable to think clearly when Vax’ildan was involved.

  
He wasn’t dead. Just very, very naked – and yes, Shaun had absolutely enjoyed the view - and with a new tightness around his eyes whenever he looked at him. Vax been smiling, laughing and had just fought a demon wearing Shaun Gilmore’s face. There had been a deal of fussing about but he could only thing about the lack of concern on Vax’s face when he learned that the rakshasa would come after him until it killed him. He’d only started to show any hint of worry when Allura had informed them that it would also be after Pike and any hope Shaun had had of avoiding further heartbreak at the other man’s hands was quickly dashed.

  
“Do you know what this is?” Percival interrupted his musings, showing him a fine silk robe. “Vax was wearing it. It seemed to hurt him when he tried to take it off, he said the rakshasa gave it to him.”

  
Shaun frowned, taking it from where it was dangling at the point of Percy’s gun and drawing his gaze into the arcane web to see just how it pulled at it. Revulsion rushed through him and he dropped it as thought it had burned him. “You wore this?” he asked, turning to Vax.

  
“Yeah – wouldn’t recommend it.” He gave an exaggerated wince, now dressed in unfamiliar dark armour which certainly hadn’t come from Gilmore’s Glorious Goods.

  
“It’s a robe of flaying. Should someone attempt to remove it, it will do as the name suggests and, well, flay them. A nasty piece of magic. Not the sort of thing I try to deal in.”

  
Percival nudged it with his foot. “Is it any danger to Vax? If we destroy it, will it harm him?”

  
“No, so long as he doesn’t decide to wear it again. Excellent thinking, taking it off in the ziggurat chamber. I assume that is the explanation as  to the vision I was greeted with when I teleported in?”

  
"Yes, well." He laughed, before suddenly looking far too serious. "I was under the impression that whatever was going on with the two of you was over?"

"You can't blame a man for looking, when presented with such a sight. But no, all has come to nothing. Any chance you know of any other handsome men hanging around in Whitestone? Yourself aside, though I am definitely game if you are."

Percy laughed again. "We'll see." He turned back to the rest of the group, leaving Gilmore alone.

He walked away, left them to the privacy of their company and that of their friends, feeling all of a sudden like the life had been drained from him. He was in his nightclothes, makeup free with his hair in a sleeping ponytail and was definitely not the icon of glamour that he normally was. The only thing he wanted right now was a stiff drink and a chance to breathe. Of course, he rarely got what he wanted.

“Gilmore, hi. Sorry. I got this armour and, well, there’s a story there but I was wondering – I know some of what it does but I don’t know. I wanted to know if there was anything I was missing?” Vax’ildan had appeared out of nowhere, as he was prone to doing.

  
“Of course, my dear Vax. Anything for you.” The shopkeeper routine slipped on easily, a quick attempt at disguising the bone deep exhaustion that had settled into him since Emon. It was the work of a moment to slip into the vision of the spell. The sheer connectedness of the armour Vax was wearing almost made him take a step back, his breath hitched in his throat at the sight of the power contained in the mess of leather and feathers. He forced himself to step back, studying it – and Vax – intently. “Well, it contains a protection from the elements – a choice of one at a time, and it seems to contain an enchantment to keep you from death and –“ he looked at Vax who was turning his head and watching him intently – “you know what? Come with me.”

  
The half-elf hesitated at Shaun’s beckoning. “No. It’s really me this time. Come on.”

  
He headed to the edge of the walkway, overlooking the cliff and Vax followed. “Do you trust me?”

  
Vax’ildan couldn’t meet his eyes, but he nodded all the same. Shaun smiled, a sad smile more to himself than for anyone else, then planted his hands on Vax’s back and shoved him over the edge. As he watched Vax descend, he worried for a moment that his magic had been incorrect but black feathers began to trail from the falling man and, as Shaun stared with bated breath, wings sprung from the armour and his fall turned into flight. He inhaled finally and started to step back from the cliff, only to feel arms grab him and the ground disappear from beneath his feet. He clutched to Vax, eyes wide as they soared over the forest below.

  
“Down – down – Vax. Vax-“

  
“Gilmore! You brilliant bastard! Thank you!”

  
They hit the bank slightly too hard but the second they were stable Vax’ildan pulled him into a hug, his arms and wings wrapping around him and Gilmore almost let himself hug back, almost let himself be drawn back in.

  
“You know, you’ll have to tell me where you got that armour. A remarkable enchantment indeed.”

  
“I – thank you. Shaun. Thank you Shaun.”

  
Then the rest of the group rushed over, chattering at Vax and there was no one to notice him slip away.

  
                        ***

Whitestone alcohol was never quite his taste and he quickly found himself longing for the Marquesian brandy he had stored in his shop in Emon. Still, the burn of the whiskey was more than sufficient and he made his way through more than he should before he eventually dozed off in his chair. Drinking alone was probably not a good sign but after the day he’d had, he had more than earned it.

An early wakeup from Vax, however, he definitely had not earned. The other man looked about as rough as he felt, pale and clammy.

  
“I made a deal with the Raven Queen,” Vax’ildan said the second he opened the door. “Vex – she died. She died and I was stuck down a hole and I needed her and so I said to take me instead and I think I’m going to die.”

  
“I – this sounds like quite the tale. Come in.” He turned around and walked past the dead assassin still decorating the entryway of his current abode, hearing the sound of a latch clicking behind him. He settled back in his chair and waved his hand towards another, pulling it closer. Vax hesitated for a second before sitting.

  
“You’re not dead yet, Vax’ildan. There are quite a few people very keen to stand between you and that eventuality.”

  
Vax nodded and gulped in air. “I spoke to her. In Vasselheim, I went to her temple like she asked me to and she called me fate touched. I’m a paladin now, her paladin. Her champion, I guess. I didn’t want it. I was learning – Pike was inspiring me and I wanted maybe – it doesn’t matter. I just. I don’t want this to play out without you knowing why or how, any of my friends not knowing why. This is going to kill me, I know it.”

  
He was impassive, his face not showing the emotion clear on his voice. Shaun stumbled for a moment, trying to grasp the true scale of the situation the man he loved had found himself in. “She hasn’t taken you yet, Vax. You’re still alive, still one of the living. Just because she calls you her champion doesn’t mean your life is forfeit to her. Who knows how long you’ll live for, the adventuring life is prone to taking people far too soon, but your death will not be because some god decides that your time is up. Being her champion does not take away the life we mortals are due. After death, well, I am not a man of particular education as to the ways of the gods but up until then you are alive and her claim to you will not lessen that.”

  
Neither of them spoke for a while, Shaun still significantly tipsy. Then Vax reached out and touched his face.

  
“You were in Emon,” he said.

  
“I’m sorry?”

  
“You were in Emon and I knew that I could die any time and you would have been left there and I was scared that you wouldn’t understand why I did what I do and if I died then one of them would have to tell you and it wouldn’t have been fair. I couldn’t commit to that, you waiting to see if I’d come back for months at a time and I couldn’t leave them. Couldn’t leave her.” He stared at him intently, his gaze boring holes into Shaun’s and he found himself unable to look away.

  
“What have I told you about playing fair, Vax’ildan? Keep toying with a man’s feelings and you run the risk of breaking hearts.” He still can’t look away from those desperate eyes, familiar after so long spent chasing after them.

  
Vax leant in closer and kissed him, world breaking in his intensity with wine rich on his breath. He held them there for a few seconds before standing. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m – I’m a little drunk, I think. I don’t want to go fight dragons with you thinking I loved you less. I don’t want to die with you thinking that. I just – I can’t leave my family and I can’t be with someone and abandon them constantly. I’m sorry, Shaun.”

  
“You should go back to bed. So should I.”  
Vax nodded and turned for the door.

Shaun sighed.  
“Vax’ildan,” the other man stopped. “Don’t apologise, just please. If you won’t commit, then don’t try to force me into commitment. It’s unfair to make me dance around the ruins of a this while you cross lines as you wish. Also, well, please don’t die. I’d hate to brave the wrath of the Raven Queen bringing you back, and I imagine your family probably agree with me on that point.”

  
“Thank you, Gilmore.” He walked out and once again, there was Gilmore and a bottle of whiskey that all of a sudden didn’t quite feel strong enough.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr user (for however long tumblr still exists) @spookynein, twitter user @alphabetray. feel free to send prompts etc, im trying to get back into writing.


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